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Success & Grief

I know this isn’t related to testing or quality but I wanted to air it as it does affect my interactions with people and the community.

It has been a year since my wife passed away unexpectedly. Unsurprisingly it was a difficult year and I’ve really struggled. At the same time I’ve had what many might consider a successful year. So how do these conflicting matters combine?

Not great.

My lowest points (since those first few weeks) were coming back from successful conferences and I’ve felt similar after having a really great day with work.

When we succeed, as humans we want to share our achievements and what makes us excited. The natural person would be your closest friend or family member. Both of these were my wife. Consequently when I’ve succeeded, that natural want to share and celebrate has kicked in but I can’t do that with the one person who matters. They are gone. Forever. The high is met by an equal reality crash. It makes me want to run and hide after a good day. From a good day.

This leads to a dilemma. I want to succeed in work and I really enjoy being involved and attending conferences but ultimately they leave me in a darker place. How do I manage this? Other than holding back and not trying to succeed, I really don’t know.

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Hello World

Like so many people around the world, I am currently not working due to the COVID-19 pandemic. However I hope to take advantage of my spare time by gaining more knowledge on software testing and general good practice for software development.

Having seen quite a few interesting talks, with my notes jotted on notepads or my work’s wiki pages. However during this period I’m going to record a few thoughts on a blog. I don’t expect anyone to ever read this but if you do, I hope both of us are finding it useful!

By the way – if you are a work colleague and find a topic interesting, let me know and we can explore it in a meeting 🙂